If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
