K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
