Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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