If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
