Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
