im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
