Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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