I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
