I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
