hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
