you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Still dying that you shit outside
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
