She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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