If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
