Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
