It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
