I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
