I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
