My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
