I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
worst night to have a conscience
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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