What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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