I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
