he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
