So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
time to smoke my breakfast
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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