so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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