So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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