I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
