I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
