Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
