I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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