dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
