can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
