Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
