I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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