And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
