My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
