He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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