It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
