Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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