when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
