she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
