My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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