sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
