I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
