I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
