The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
