I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
