I wish my penis had an off switch
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
