I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
