And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
