would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
