i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
